Today is my daughter Shanyai’s heavenly birthday. And today, the Soaring on Angels’ Wings® website officially launched in her honor.
I have cried today. The tears keep coming. As grateful as I am to see this vision come to life, I am still a mother who wishes she could hold her baby, hear her voice, and tell her happy birthday face-to-face.
One of her brothers designed a birthday card for her. Seeing the love he poured into it reminded me that we each carry her in our own way. I grieve as her mother, and her siblings carry the ache of missing their sister. She remains part of our family, our conversations, and our love.
People sometimes see the work I do and think that means the pain has passed. But helping others through grief does not mean I no longer grieve. There are days when I encourage someone else and then need a quiet moment to cry myself. Today is one of those days.
I carry the love of two daughters, Jasmine and Shanyai. Losing Jasmine at seven years old and Shanyai at nineteen changed my life in ways words cannot fully explain. I know what it feels like to keep living while part of your heart longs for someone you cannot bring home.
That is the heart behind Soaring on Angels’ Wings®.
My faith has helped carry me, including through moments when I had more tears than words. I believe God can meet us there, too. We do not have to hide our hurt to prove that we trust Him.
Launching this website on Shanyai’s birthday holds deep meaning for me. It gives me another way to honor her life and reach someone who may be wondering how they will make it through their own loss. My hope is that those who visit will find support, understanding, and room to be honest about where they are.
That same honesty will live here on this blog. We will talk about the birthdays, the holidays, the unexpected tears, faith, and the moments when joy begins to find us again.
If today is a hard day for you, too, you do not have to rush through it. Say their name. Share a memory. Rest if you need to. You can be grateful for what is growing in your life and still ache for who is missing.
Today, I am celebrating my daughter and crying because I miss her. I am thankful for this new beginning and wishing she were here to share it.
Happy heavenly birthday, my beautiful Shanyai. Mommy loves you. Your life matters, your name will continue to be spoken, and you will always be my baby.
Grief may have changed our story, but it does not get the final chapter.
You can live again.